I Never Loved A Man No, Wait, Make That Woman
by icefire-lioness
Summary: Worried!Draco, Horny!Harry, Dominant!Twins. That’s right. Unwilling to start with a mere threesome, icefire lioness has decided that foursomes are much more her thing. Oh, the slash smut! Written for a challenge on SAYS.


AN: This idea was floating about my head for a while (yes, it's a very depraved place, my head) and I hadn't really had a chance to write it. So when DragonWriterHP gave me THE SLASH CHALLENGE on SAYS - well, what could I do? I had to write it. OBVIOUSLY. So, here it is, my darlings. Be prepared for teh smut! It is CHAMPION. And also, there are about seven pages of it. YAY. Enjoy. :D I know you will, you dirty people, you.

-

"Have you ever had a threesome?" Fred asked, his eyes glinting.

Draco looked between the two men, feeling apprehensive.

"Uh, no," he said finally, wishing that Harry would hurry up and get back. The twins sort of scared him.

"How about a foursome?" George asked, his mouth tugging up at the corners.

Draco stared at him. George was sitting on the couch opposite Draco, his arm slung loosely over his twin brother's shoulder, his dark red hair hanging over his blue eyes. The look he was giving Draco could only be described as predatory.

"No-o," he said slowly, turning with relief to the doorway as Harry stepped through, throwing his snow covered coat onto the ground.

"Hey, Harry!" he exclaimed, grinning as he jumped to his feet. He kissed the black haired man and then whispered, "Why are the twins here?"

Harry grinned, kissing Draco on the tip of his nose.

"Because I invited them to dinner."

Draco sighed exasperatedly.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" he whispered frustratedly.

Harry grinned again, his green eyes flashing cheerfully as he walked through the door, squeezing Draco's arse surreptitiously.

"Because. I knew you'd say no," he whispered, and then in a normal voice, "Hey Fred, hey George!"

Draco rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he sat down. Oh well. So he might not get to shag Harry until after dinner. That was alright. Sort of. He didn't like to wait, not really, but their last shag had been at lunchtime, in Harry's office, so he was at least able to think about that while he waited to be draped over the kitchen table and... well, he could wait, anyroad.

He sat down next to Harry, leaning his head on the other man's shoulder and breathing him in deeply. Gods, he loved the smell of Harry. He was just so…wonderful.

"Ah, young love!" George said, grinning. Harry leant over and casually punched him.

"Oh, I remember it so well!" Fred exclaimed, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

"The willingness to fight for her pride, the constant lust to touch her, the…the…kicked in balls! Ah. Memories. 'Course, we were with girls at the time."

He flashed a grin at George and they both said at the same moment, "Most of the time!"

Harry shook his head, laughing, and Draco looked at the twins curiously. So they were bisexual, were they? Interesting. Very interesting.

"So, Harry," said George, turning to the dark haired man. Harry looked at him questioningly.

"Are we still on?"

Draco looked curiously between the twins and Harry, who were all grinning. What did that mean? Still on for what?

Harry glanced over at Draco, and then nodded enthusiastically.

"Definitely. He doesn't really…uh, know, yet. But I'm sure he'll approve."

"Who doesn't know what?" Draco asked in confusion and no small amount of trepidation. "Who are you sure will approve of what?"

Harry squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

"Uh, just someone from work, sweetie. The twins and I are organising a…surprise party for him."

Draco looked suspicious. The twins were snorting into each other's shoulders.

"Well, if it's a _surprise_ party, why'd you say he doesn't know _yet_? Wouldn't that imply that you were going to tell him?"

Harry smiled and kissed Draco.

"Darling," he said softly, playing with a lock of Draco's blonde hair, "don't worry about it, alright?"

"If you're doing something illegal again, I reserve all right to worry like the housewife I apparently am," Draco muttered grumpily, crossing his arms.

The twins grinned identically. Evilly. Gods they scared him.

"Oh, it isn't illegal. Nothing's illegal unless you get caught."

Draco rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the couch.

"Fine, whatever. You go and have your little Gryffindor 'bravery' games, and I will just sit here hoping you don't kill yourselves."

He walked out of the room and into the kitchen. One of the twin's voices floated down after him, apparently not for Draco to hear.

"Let's hope he _doesn't_ just sit there. That will be absolutely _no fun at all_."

And then, Harry's voice answering.

"Don't worry. I can always get him up."

-

Dinner was over, and the four men were sitting around the table, talking. Or at least, Harry and the twins were talking. Draco watched them quietly, feeling a bit left out.

"And then he goes 'but I thought the squirrel was charmed!'"

Harry laughed, sliding his arm around Draco's shoulders. Fred grinned at his brother, who wriggled his eyebrows, grinning back.

"That man has problems," Harry said, and George nodded, smiling.

"He does that. Now, Harry my lad, what about dessert?"

Draco frowned apologetically. "Sorry guys, I didn't think about that. We've got some ice cream, though?"

Fred's mouth twitched. "Alright, if you want to put the ice cream on your-"

His sentence was cut off as George slammed a hand over his brother's mouth, his eyes glinting with laughter.

"Cheap dishes," George finished, his hand still over Fred's mouth, "We don't want to break anything."

"Sure," Draco said, looking confused. Harry laughed.

"Come on Draco, help me get dessert."

Draco stood up, following Harry into the kitchen. He heard a shout of laughter as the door closed, and looked over his shoulder anxiously. Harry put an arm around his waist, pulling him to the fridge.

"See if there's anything to go with the ice cream," Harry said, pulling away again and moving to the cupboard. Draco nodded and looked in the fridge. After a moment, he found a block of chocolate and waved it triumphantly at Harry.

"We can melt this," he said, and Harry grinned.

"I like melted," he replied, and moved to stand behind Draco as he put the chocolate in a bowl. Harry put his arms around Draco's shoulders, shifting so that he stood right up against the other man, his groin against Draco's arse. The blonde man smiled appreciatively, wriggling up against Harry.

He leant his head back and kissed Harry slowly, while the dark haired man pulled out his wand and melted the chocolate. After a moment the bowl was filled with the dark liquid, and Harry put his finger in, a ribbon of chocolate twisting around his pale skin. He put his hand up and placed it in Draco's mouth, letting him suck the chocolate off his finger before he kissed him again.

"The twins are just there," Draco said, pulling away reluctantly, but Harry had pushed him against the bench and his free hand was unzipping Draco's jeans.

"They're not going to come in," Harry whispered, putting his finger in the chocolate again, and leaving a trail of it over Draco's mouth. He leant forwards and kissed the chocolate from his lips, moving his sweet tongue into Draco's mouth at the same time as his hand pushed below the waistband of Draco's jeans. The blonde gasped against the other man's mouth, pushing himself minutely upwards, into Harry's hand.

"Uhm…Harry, no…no…you can't do this now…it's too pub- nice…too nice…"

He whimpered a little, letting his head fall back as Harry pushed him further back against the bench. The bowl of melted chocolate made a worrying sound against the stone as Draco accidentally pushed it nearer the edge with his hand, which had shot out in surprise with his boyfriend's hand's questing.

And then there was Harry's tongue on the roof of his mouth, and then licking down onto his tongue again. Draco groaned and arched up against Harry, who pulled his hands out of Draco's trousers (while the blonde whimpered at their loss) and placed his hands, very firmly, against Draco's chest, easing himself up again. Draco looked up at him and moaned. Harry's eyes were dark and his mouth was swollen. Draco angled his head upwards and bit Harry's jaw, eliciting a violent shudder. The blonde smiled against Harry's skin, licking a delicious trail up his neck. Harry cried out, and then dragged his fingers through Draco's hair, which was slightly damp now, pressing himself unsteadily against him.

Draco squirmed, making a small noise in the back of his throat, and Harry pushed him further against the bench, until he was draped over it completely, his head resting on the stone, which was uncomfortable. It didn't matter, though, because Harry had both of his hands on Draco's shoulders and was doing something rather interesting with his tongue. There was a faint noise, like a door opening, but Draco didn't hear it, preoccupied as he was. Harry pushed against him further.

Then there was a hand on Draco's jean-clad thigh, sending pleasurable shivers along his skin. He smiled against Harry's mouth, and then stiffened. It had taken him a moment, but he realised that it was impossible for the hand to be there. Both of Harry's were on his shoulders, which meant that unless there was someone else…Draco pushed himself upwards awkwardly, catching Harry's jaw with his shoulder by accident, making him cry out. He turned to apologise and then saw Fred smirking at him, his blue eyes flashing. The red-head had one hand on Draco's thigh still, and was pressed up against Harry's back. His brother was lounging on the bench, kissing Fred's fingertips languidly.

"What are you doing?" Draco squeaked, trying to push Harry, and therefore the twins, away. Harry looked slightly ashamed, but Fred only smirked again, and George was ignoring him, and had just put his mouth over one of his brother's long fingers, licking up and down its length. Draco watched in horrified fascination.

"I-" Harry started, gazing at Draco pleadingly, and Fred cut him off with a warning look. Draco looked between them anxiously.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, his grey eyes sparking, "Are you pimping me out, Harry?"

Harry laughed; a short, anxious bark, and then shut his mouth. Draco glared at him.

"Oh yes, incredibly funny. Prostitution, Harry. Shame on you. You know it's still illegal here. At least take me somewhere where it isn't, so I can be in the sun."

George stepped away from Fred, pushing Harry out of the way. Harry and his twin stepped aside obediently, watching hungrily. Draco swallowed audibly.

"Don't talk back, Draco," George said in a low voice, and pressed himself up against Draco. The blonde responded immediately, pushing his hands against George's chest and shoving him away. George stepped back, watching him thoughtfully.

"You know, we won't do this if you're not fine with it, I suppose," he said, and Harry made a small noise of discontent.

"Couldn't we tie him up?" he whined, and Fred grinned, but shook his head.

"But I _like _tying Draco up," Harry complained, crossing his arms. Draco whimpered at the thought of the handcuffs in the bathroom cupboard, and just exactly what they had used them for only two nights ago. A small trickle of sweat ran down his hipbone and he felt himself straining upwards.

"I wouldn't mind terribly," Draco said in a small voice, looking at Harry pleadingly. Harry gazed mournfully at the twins, a look rather like that of a kicked puppy's on his face. George rolled his eyes and dragged Draco up from his position on the bench.

"Come along, then. Bedroom?"

Harry nodded, a blissful moan escaping his mouth. Draco licked his lips, which were rather dry. Breathless anticipation was causing a rather interesting stirring in the area between his lower ribs and pelvis. Maybe that was his _loins_. Good God, he hadn't even known they truly existed! At least he knew he was getting a good education in basic anatomy. Or something. Draco glanced at the twins, one of whom (he thought it was George, but couldn't be entirely sure as his brain seemed to have taken temporary vacation) grinned and grabbed Draco's arm, pulling him down the hall. Harry and the other twin followed close after, giggling depravedly.

Then Draco was on his and Harry's bed, looking up at the twins, and Harry was standing apart, panting slightly.

"I'd like to…watch, just for now," Harry said in an unsteady voice as Fred removed Draco's shirt slowly. Three pairs of eyes turned to him and he grinned bashfully.

There was a moment of silence, and no-one moved. Becoming impatient, Harry pointed to Draco.

"Sex. Now," he demanded, and the twins shared a predatory look. "I'll watch," Harry reiterated, chewing on his lower lip.

"Alright," said George, advancing on Harry, who licked his lips in anticipation, "But you have to pay the price, pet."

Draco watched his boyfriend quiver, his eyes darkening. Oh, this was good. Very, very good. He lifted his head up a little in order to watch.

"Strip," Fred ordered Harry, and the dark haired boy made a little squeaking noise.

"Now," George added, taking out his wand. Harry looked over at Draco, who smiled encouragingly, feeling increasingly happier with the situation. Mmm…Harry taking off his shirt. Harry's muscles bunched as he leaned down to remove his trousers and Draco felt his mouth open a little, his breath coming in little pants. Fred moved back to stand by Draco, his hand wandering down Draco's chest as they both watched Harry flick his underwear skilfully onto the rest of his clothes. George walked up to a now very naked Harry, tapping his wand thoughtfully against his mouth.

"Up against the wall," George said, and then, "Hands out."

Harry obliged quickly, and George charmed handcuffs to his wrists, a leather collar to his neck. Chains led from them to the wall, and Draco let his eyes wander along them and then back to his boyfriend, his eyes darkening. Draco most definitely wasn't quibbling.

"Okay," he said, wriggling a little on the bed, his eyes still on Harry, who had just swallowed loudly, shifting against the chains. The twins looked at him.

"Look, you're taking far too long," Draco said roughly, "I will not be having with this kind of nonsense. Now, boys, I will say this only once more. Sex, sex, sex!"

"That was three times," Fred put in helpfully. Draco gave him a fierce look. Fred quailed. Or at least, looked a little perturbed.

George patted Harry's chains amiably, and then turned to Draco.

"I'm sure that can be arranged, darling," he said, and then grinned. "Or, we could always make it four. Personally, I find that I am quite open to masses of sex."

Draco made a funny choking noise and then lapsed into silence as the twins approached him, wearing identical grins. Then _his_ hands were cuffed to the wall, and George was leaning down and kissing him, Fred following soon after. Harry made small noises in the corner, his chains rattling. Draco stiffened for a moment, overwhelmed by the attention, tense and unyielding as the twins kissed and touched him. It was Fred who stopped that, his long fingers running down Draco's stomach and into the white blonde hair below. Harry strained against the chains, and nearly blacked out at the pressure around his throat.

"Don't choke yourself there, Harry," George said pleasantly, and Harry scowled, though without any real venom. He swallowed again as the twins turned back to Draco, each running one hand up his thighs, coaxing his legs apart. Draco didn't need much persuasion – something Harry already knew from _a lot_ of experience – and writhed under their touch. Breathing became purely optional for the dark haired boy as he strained against the chains, shuddering at the sight of his satin spar seraph squirming under the twins' touch.

He had a perfect view of all that Draco had to offer – all from a position that he had never been in before. From the throbbing heat in his lower anatomy, Harry could be quite certain as to the fact that he definitely wanted it all, and now. As in immediately. He growled deep in his throat, gazing at Draco as the twins kissed along his collar bone, their hands working along his pale skin.

When one of the twins stood up for a moment, breathing heavily, Draco performed a rather admirable feat of contortionism, pulled him down again with…was it his elbows? Gosh, thought Harry, feeling incredibly turned on, that must be difficult. After pulling him down again, Draco started kissing him roughly. Harry was impressed by how fast he was taking to it…and, also, choking himself again. He leant back against the wall again, feeling his vision grey a little around the edges. Little spots of colour swum against his eyelids and he felt himself sway a little. Lack of oxygen. It could do wonderful things to a chap.

Including, apparently, the ability to use the sort of wandless magic that hadn't occurred since Harry was a small child. He found himself standing upright, the restraints gone, still swaying slightly. He walked over to Draco unsteadily, grinning madly. Draco looked up at him, his pink mouth open slightly, and smiled.

"How did-?" Fred asked, his brow furrowed in confusion as he saw the dark haired boy approaching. 'How did' was probably quite a reasonable question, but not one that Harry found himself terribly interested in at that moment.

"Mine," he said in a sibilant hiss – he was focussed on the small snake tattoo on Draco's hip, and Parseltongue fell from his mouth unbidden. Draco's eyes widened and he licked his lips, meeting Harry's eyes at the sound. His expression was slightly dazed, his grey irises hazy.

"Give me mine," Harry hissed in Parseltongue again, and without so much as a finger on his skin, Draco came on the spot. The twins looked at each other in surprise, and then grinned broadly.

"Hurrah! A kink!" they exclaimed in unison, and Harry launched himself at Draco, kissing the blonde man violently. Draco's arms strained against his chains, wanting to wrap themselves around Harry's neck but unable to do so. Harry did all the wrapping for him, pushing himself up against his boyfriend with wanton abandon, his rather lovely honey-coloured limbs draping themselves over Draco's pale ones. Draco made a noise in the back of his throat and then the twins were moving in on them, working themselves into the pile in an extremely pleasant fashion. Harry bit Draco's throat, and he arched himself upwards into Harry's hand – or maybe it was Fred. Or George. Draco shook his head dazedly.

It didn't really matter. They would all be here for a while longer. He was going to have to get used to not knowing whose hand that was, apparently.

-

AN: Ah, deary me. Hope you enjoyed it. I know I enjoyed writing it! Even if it did take me FOREVER. Please review me, or you know what will happen, don't you? No? I will tell you. THERE WILL BE BLOODSHED. You heard me. If you don't review I'm going to turn serial killer on you. So you'd better click the button. Do you want deaths to be on YOUR hands?


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